Many people get married or enter into relationships because they subconsciously or consciously believe that mate is the one who will give them the love they need or otherwise fill their unmet love needs. They are operating on a partial truth. Yes, it is through a marriage or relationship that our love needs are met, but it is not the marriage or relationship with mankind. It is the marriage relationship with God. That marriage relationship begins with salvation and culminates into a love relationship that recognizes God as a loving Father, Husband, the head of our lives, and the supplier of all our needs.
Without a relationship with God that goes deeper than mere salvation, we will find ourselves looking for love outside of Him and will forever be frustrated or disappointed.
Many people get married because they are looking for someone to heal the brokenness within them. They are looking for the love of a man or woman to fill that void inside of them, to validate them, and to make them feel loved. Sometimes we even seek to find that love through our children, grandchildren, parents and other types of relationships.
However, the fact that many go into marriages seeking someone to fill the void within, is the reason why many marriages are failing!
Oftentimes, couples go into a marriage with expectations of love that no man or woman could possibly fulfill. In their brokenness, they begin lashing out at the one who is not filling their expectations and so the walls go up, the verbal abuse spills out and the deterioration of the marriage begins.
There is a spot within each of us that only the love of God can fill. Only the love of God has the power to heal our wounds and fill that unmet need to be loved. I know because I’ve been there. I thought a relationship with a man would make me feel loved, but I was never more unsatisfied than in a relationship. As a result, I would generally demand more quality time, more acts of love, and more proof that I was loved. There was always more they needed to do to prove their love for me. I was like a bottomless pit that could never be filled. That love you are seeking will never be satisfied in a marriage or any type of relationship with a human being and this is the reason that many marriages are failing. They are looking for something that cannot be found where they are looking. It is like searching for treasures inside the dumpster.
As for marriage, the Bible tells us that the two shall become one (Mat. 19:5). This means one whole person plus one whole person makes two, and they shall become one. If both parties are not whole when they go into a marriage, then each party is not going in as 1 person but as 3-4 different people, due to their individual brokenness. Therefore, when his 3-4 different personalities join with her 3-4 different personalities, what we have is a recipe for destruction because the math is not adding up.
There is no biblical math for 6-8 people becoming one. The scripture states that the two shall become one.
However, when we are so broken in our souls, it is not two people that enter the marriage, but many different people and personalities. This is the reason why marriages are failing, even Christian marriages. We can no longer neglect our need for healing because the brokenness will transcend to every aspect of our lives.
If you are a married couple desiring to strengthen your marriage, your answer lies in discovering the love of God and making Him your source of love, not your spouse. If you are a single woman desiring to get married, the best thing you can do in preparation for marriage, is to begin the process of inner healing from the childhood wounds that led you to feel unloved. If you are single man desiring to lead your family in marriage, without inner healing, you will only replicate the dysfunction of manhood that you have seen.
It is time to rip the band-aid off those wounds and begin the healing process.
(c) 2020 by Annette D. Brown @ Restoration Training Hub